Quagbarnbap is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, selfish rat.

Quagbarnbap created water eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quagbarnbap, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Quagbarnbap, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Quagbarnbap's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Quagbarnbap's Holy Commandments

1. Quagbarnbap loves shrews, so they must be honoured.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Run away from magenta birds, for they are unholy.

5. Hide from cyan porpoises for they are unholy.