Yartomab is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, humane cat.

Yartomab created an electron nine million years ago.

If you believe in Yartomab, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Yartomab, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Yartomab's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Yartomab's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Yartomab.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Always make sure there are no squirrels in a room before entering it.

5. Do not kill voles.