Jopnibcum Fosstimmif is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, annoying zebra.

Jopnibcum Fosstimmif created a bottom quark two billion years ago.

If you believe in Jopnibcum Fosstimmif, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Jopnibcum Fosstimmif, it will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Jopnibcum Fosstimmif's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Jopnibcum Fosstimmif's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry porpoises.

2. Do not wear titanium on your body.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate dolphins.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Never talk about cats.