Fenpopcin Wigganfig is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, ruthless hyena.

Fenpopcin Wigganfig created a photon eight million years ago.

If you believe in Fenpopcin Wigganfig, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Fenpopcin Wigganfig, she will send minions to preach to you.

Fenpopcin Wigganfig's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Fenpopcin Wigganfig's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate turtles.

2. Always make sure there are no sheep in a building before entering it.

3. Never jump in holy places.

4. Retreat if eight eagles approach from the south.

5. Never eat green fruit.