Honquartfosslapkargon is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, able crow.

Honquartfosslapkargon created everything that exists seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Honquartfosslapkargon, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Honquartfosslapkargon, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Honquartfosslapkargon's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Honquartfosslapkargon's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from magenta aardvarks for they are unholy.

2. Do not kill otters.

3. Do not hurt squirrels.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Always look after injured porpoises.