Binponbem is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, fussy spider.

Binponbem created the Milkyway three billion years ago.

If you believe in Binponbem, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Binponbem, she will throw large rocks at you.

Binponbem's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Binponbem's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear cyan trousers.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Hide if eight seals approach from the west.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.