Ontgodstragguntit is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, bad-tempered dove.

Ontgodstragguntit created silver seven million years ago.

If you believe in Ontgodstragguntit, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Ontgodstragguntit, she will jump up and down on your head.

Ontgodstragguntit's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Ontgodstragguntit's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Always treat monkeys with great respect.

4. Never think about cell theory.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.