Jabstanhit Nadflabwod Negtitgup is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, capable aardvark.

Jabstanhit Nadflabwod Negtitgup created an atom eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jabstanhit Nadflabwod Negtitgup, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Jabstanhit Nadflabwod Negtitgup, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Jabstanhit Nadflabwod Negtitgup's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Jabstanhit Nadflabwod Negtitgup's Holy Commandments

1. Jabstanhit Nadflabwod Negtitgup must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never feed carrots to porpoises while wearing brown shoes.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Never talk about aardvarks.

5. Never mention voles.