Gutcimlen Bonkpadtim is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, duplicitous goblin.

Gutcimlen Bonkpadtim created carbon two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gutcimlen Bonkpadtim, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Gutcimlen Bonkpadtim, he will strike you with lightening.

Gutcimlen Bonkpadtim's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Gutcimlen Bonkpadtim's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your back cyan.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Always help sick tortoises.

5. Never write about the weak nuclear force.