Fumkemwip is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, compassionate grasshopper.

Fumkemwip created a charm quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fumkemwip, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Fumkemwip, he will not care.

Fumkemwip's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Fumkemwip's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat peas.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Never write about amino acids.