Xemtafzog is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, slow gorilla.

Xemtafzog created the Cigar Galaxy four years ago.

If you believe in Xemtafzog, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Xemtafzog, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Xemtafzog's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Xemtafzog's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Snails are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Never jump in holy places.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Do not drink water in green rooms.