Cumtanmut is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, generous narwhal.

Cumtanmut created viruses six billion years ago.

If you believe in Cumtanmut, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Cumtanmut, it will attempt to scare you with hail.

Cumtanmut's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Cumtanmut's Holy Commandments

1. Cumtanmut loves doves, so they must be honoured.

2. Never paint your legs violet.

3. Cumtanmut must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Never go into purple rooms.

5. You must never eat bread.