Jadquartnutt is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, unfair meerkat.

Jadquartnutt created water four years ago.

If you believe in Jadquartnutt, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Jadquartnutt, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Jadquartnutt's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Jadquartnutt's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear aluminium on your body.

2. Never skip in the presence of pigs.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of gold.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Always treat tortoises with great respect.