Hatquafnak is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, idiotic otter.

Hatquafnak created an up quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Hatquafnak, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Hatquafnak, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Hatquafnak's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Hatquafnak's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention aardvarks.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Never talk about amino acids.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Feed all hungry snails.