Vadquartsan is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, unsympathetic warg.

Vadquartsan created light five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vadquartsan, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Vadquartsan, she will turn you into a dog.

Vadquartsan's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Vadquartsan's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if seven otters approach from the west.

2. You must pray to Vadquartsan three times a day.

3. Worship no other gods but Vadquartsan.

4. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

5. Never hurt ants.