Nillmapsan is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, conceited squid.

Nillmapsan created carbon two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nillmapsan, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Nillmapsan, he will not care.

Nillmapsan's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Nillmapsan's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry pigs.

2. Always help sick otters.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.