Ponbissjarn is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, humane spider.

Ponbissjarn created an electron seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Ponbissjarn, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Ponbissjarn, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Ponbissjarn's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Ponbissjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if seven ants approach from the south.

2. Always make sure there are no otters in a room before entering it.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Do not wear tin on your body.