Jab is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, weak gorilla.

Jab created the planet Earth three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jab, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Jab, it will destroy your home planet.

Jab's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Jab's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

2. Never go into turquoise rooms.

3. Hide if nine cats approach from the east.

4. Never talk about porpoises.

5. Never talk about comets.