Lopnarlveg is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, weak elephant.

Lopnarlveg created bats six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lopnarlveg, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Lopnarlveg, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Lopnarlveg's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Lopnarlveg's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear trousers.

2. Never wear violet shoes.

3. Do not drink water in red rooms.

4. Never write about planets.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.