Lapnurtweg is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, strong cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Lapnurtweg created a Higgs boson four million years ago.

If you believe in Lapnurtweg, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Lapnurtweg, it will not care at all.

Lapnurtweg's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Lapnurtweg's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat pineapples.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Do not trade with those who eat bread.

5. Do not drink alcohol.