Toffasran Jatfemhin is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, clever whale.

Toffasran Jatfemhin created light six billion years ago.

If you believe in Toffasran Jatfemhin, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Toffasran Jatfemhin, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Toffasran Jatfemhin's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Toffasran Jatfemhin's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Toffasran Jatfemhin.

2. Always obey Toffasran Jatfemhin's priests.

3. Do not eat onions.

4. Hide if nine capybaras approach from the east.

5. Erect a large silver sculpture of Toffasran Jatfemhin on top of all buildings.