Zanqueegtab is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, astonishing mink.

Zanqueegtab created tapeworms five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zanqueegtab, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Zanqueegtab, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Zanqueegtab's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Zanqueegtab's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Feed all hungry sharks.

3. Do not dye your hair purple.

4. You must love Zanqueegtab.

5. Always look after injured mites.