Barnshavtap is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, self-assured slug.

Barnshavtap created viruses six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Barnshavtap, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Barnshavtap, she will be mildly annoyed.

Barnshavtap's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Barnshavtap's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Do not take Barnshavtap's name in vain.

4. Do not shave your neck.

5. Do not hurt dolphins.