Futkomhiv Rillyikwee is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, all-knowing rhinoceros.

Futkomhiv Rillyikwee created viruses three million years ago.

If you believe in Futkomhiv Rillyikwee, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Futkomhiv Rillyikwee, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Futkomhiv Rillyikwee's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Futkomhiv Rillyikwee's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Do not shave your feet.

3. Never write about cell theory.

4. Do not eat bananas.

5. Never feed peanuts to pigs while wearing orange trousers.