Vonpibraw is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, almighty eagle.

Vonpibraw created tapeworms two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vonpibraw, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Vonpibraw, he will turn you into a hamster.

Vonpibraw's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Vonpibraw's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Feed all hungry rats.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Always help sick whales.