Cantagjophogfebnul is a god.

He takes the form of a large, duplicitous badger.

Cantagjophogfebnul created carbon two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cantagjophogfebnul, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Cantagjophogfebnul, he will turn you into a puffin.

Cantagjophogfebnul's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Cantagjophogfebnul's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into green rooms.

2. Worship no other gods but Cantagjophogfebnul.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.