Yarpkabflan is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, passionate clam.

Yarpkabflan created Europe four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yarpkabflan, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Yarpkabflan, it will send you a sign.

Yarpkabflan's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Yarpkabflan's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Never run in the presence of great tits.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Do not hurt ants.