Hitmegbem is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, vain squid.

Hitmegbem created viruses two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hitmegbem, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Hitmegbem, he will destroy your home solar system.

Hitmegbem's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Hitmegbem's Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce in the presence of geese.

2. Hitmegbem must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Do not dye your hair green.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Never paint your neck fawn.