Tettiyarlcum is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, witless dragon.

Tettiyarlcum created tapeworms three billion years ago.

If you believe in Tettiyarlcum, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Tettiyarlcum, she will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Tettiyarlcum's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Tettiyarlcum's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Tettiyarlcum.

2. Never mention snakes.

3. Run away from yellow voles, for they are unholy.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Never run near cats.