Zimsogwabrul is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, passionate ant.

Zimsogwabrul created carbon five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zimsogwabrul, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Zimsogwabrul, she will turn you into a dog.

Zimsogwabrul's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Zimsogwabrul's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

4. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.