Nilquilltom is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, duplicitous weasel.

Nilquilltom created vertebrates five billion years ago.

If you believe in Nilquilltom, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Nilquilltom, he will turn you into a goat.

Nilquilltom's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Nilquilltom's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.

2. Dogs are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

4. Never look at nebulae.

5. Do not chop down trees.