Yartquaffon is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, all-powerful hedgehog.

Yartquaffon created carbon four years ago.

If you believe in Yartquaffon, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Yartquaffon, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Yartquaffon's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Yartquaffon's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention frogs.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Yartquaffon.

3. Hide from blue doves for they are unholy.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate mice.