Tofjonjen is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, unthoughtful dove.

Tofjonjen created the planet Venus eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tofjonjen, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Tofjonjen, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Tofjonjen's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Tofjonjen's Holy Commandments

1. Eagles are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Never wear shorts.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.