Fitjenfun is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, bad-tempered goat.

Fitjenfun created water seven million years ago.

If you believe in Fitjenfun, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Fitjenfun, she will turn you into a dog.

Fitjenfun's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Fitjenfun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair yellow.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate great tits.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Always stare at clouds.