Guprowtam Cisswonmab is a god.

It takes the form of a small, sage squid.

Guprowtam Cisswonmab created viruses four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Guprowtam Cisswonmab, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Guprowtam Cisswonmab, it will turn you into a plant.

Guprowtam Cisswonmab's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Guprowtam Cisswonmab's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about comets.

2. Never look at nebulae.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Guprowtam Cisswonmab.

5. Do not speak about strawberries.