Jamlan is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, idiotic lizard.

Jamlan created the planet Jupiter four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jamlan, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Jamlan, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Jamlan's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Jamlan's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Do not hurt frogs.

3. Do not trade with those who eat tomatoes.

4. Run away from turquoise hamsters, for they are unholy.

5. Always stare at clouds.