Zimjabvin is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, omniscient lobster.

Zimjabvin created the Sun five million years ago.

If you believe in Zimjabvin, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Zimjabvin, it will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Zimjabvin's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Zimjabvin's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Zimjabvin.

3. Always treat aardvarks with great respect.

4. Never paint your back violet.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of lead.