Witappyam is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, benevolent gerbil.

Witappyam created the solar system seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Witappyam, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Witappyam, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Witappyam's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Witappyam's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

2. Never feed peanuts to sheep while wearing yellow jumpers.

3. Always wear cyan.

4. Do not drink water in green rooms.

5. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.