Kabzimgen is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, charitable pigeon.

Kabzimgen created the Small Magellanic Cloud six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kabzimgen, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Kabzimgen, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Kabzimgen's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Kabzimgen's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Kabzimgen.

2. Never talk about cell theory.

3. Never skip in the presence of aardvarks.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Do not trade with those who eat strawberries.