Abjanbotbed is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, selfish monkey.

Abjanbotbed created the Black Eye Galaxy seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Abjanbotbed, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Abjanbotbed, he will not invite you to parties.

Abjanbotbed's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Abjanbotbed's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Erect a large carbon sculpture of Abjanbotbed on top of all buildings.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Do not wear titanium on your body.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate shrews.