Narlartquart is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, all-powerful porpoise.

Narlartquart created the solar system four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Narlartquart, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Narlartquart, he will turn you into a puffin.

Narlartquart's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Narlartquart's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear cyan.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Do not listen to music.