Tettiveggab is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, stupid seal.

Tettiveggab created the planet Venus nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tettiveggab, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Tettiveggab, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Tettiveggab's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Tettiveggab's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate tapirs.

2. Never think ill of sick cats.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate aardvarks.

4. Worship no other gods but Tettiveggab.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.