Fotsasgam is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, humorless snake.

Fotsasgam created light nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Fotsasgam, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Fotsasgam, she will think nothing of it.

Fotsasgam's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Fotsasgam's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Pray towards the west.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Fotsasgam.

4. Never feed carrots to bats while wearing indigo skirts.

5. Always take life seriously.