Nurpaglatvonk is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, unselfish pig.

Nurpaglatvonk created the planet Jupiter five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurpaglatvonk, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Nurpaglatvonk, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Nurpaglatvonk's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Nurpaglatvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if eight ants approach from the east.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Do not eat limes.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Never write about moons.