Jarnyimnur is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, sage spider.

Jarnyimnur created snails four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnyimnur, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Jarnyimnur, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Jarnyimnur's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Jarnyimnur's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Do not shave your feet.