Nartgunpag is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, unfair hippopotamus.

Nartgunpag created the planet Mars six million years ago.

If you believe in Nartgunpag, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Nartgunpag, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Nartgunpag's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Nartgunpag's Holy Commandments

1. Always help grasshopers.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Nartgunpag.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. You must love Nartgunpag.

5. Respect your elders.