Vansis is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, omniscient tapir.

Vansis created the planet Earth three billion years ago.

If you believe in Vansis, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Vansis, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Vansis' most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Vansis' Holy Commandments

1. Never eat grapes.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Do not take Vansis' name in vain.

5. Never jump in holy places.