Labgatcissxem is a god.

She takes the form of an one thousand metre long, slow rat.

Labgatcissxem created vertebrates seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Labgatcissxem, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Labgatcissxem, she will not care.

Labgatcissxem's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Labgatcissxem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Labgatcissxem's name in vain.

2. Never jump in the presence of ducks.

3. You must pray to Labgatcissxem five times a day.

4. Do not speak about aubergines.

5. Never eat peanuts.