Kabparkhap is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, self-assured clam.

Kabparkhap created the Sombrero Galaxy seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kabparkhap, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Kabparkhap, she will turn you into a duck.

Kabparkhap's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Kabparkhap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Always help birds in need.

4. Always treat cats with great respect.

5. Do not dye your hair purple.