Ripvegwig is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, emotional cow.

Ripvegwig created vertebrates five billion years ago.

If you believe in Ripvegwig, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Ripvegwig, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Ripvegwig's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Ripvegwig's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat wheat.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Do not shave your hands.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Always make sure there are no goats in a room before entering it.